Who is Morningtime?

Morningtime first came to prominence at junior school as “that small kid”. Disappointed that his family only knew him as such he made a mental note to one day make a name for himself. A name would be handy as being known as “that small kid” just really wasn’t on. Having tried out various names such as “Bob”, “Arthur” and “Gertrude” he eventually settled on the name Morningtime as the morning time was a mysterious time of day he never saw due to his liking of staying in bed until at least midday. Having been crowned captain of his football team in the imaginary world in which he lived he was also horrifyingly made prefect of the unfortunately all too real junior school he attended (every now and again). Realising that he had probably already achieved all he ever could at school he decided to leave. Quite what his classmates made of this is unknown but seeing as he was only 11 at the time they probably weren’t too impressed.

After having a midlife crisis aged 12 Morningtime recovered (slightly) and threw himself with gusto into his bed where he attempted to remain for the next 10 years. However disaster struck when at the age of 21 a bizarre thought that he should try and do something with his life struck him and he enrolled at University. Despite the fact that “trying to do something with your life” is always without exception a misguided concept Morningtime nevertheless survived this random thought purely because going to university and staying in bed are pretty much exactly the same thing anyway.

Emerging 3 years later blinking into the light of a new dawn the now Morningtime BA (Hons) attempted to get back into bed but was forced by hunger to go job-seeking instead. After a false start working for a financial company Morningtime instead decided that a slow meandering and painful death in a government administration office would be much more his cup of tea (no sugar). It was during this time that the mysterious figure of Morningtime briefly disappeared from public sight. Last seen heading into the arctic with only a Mars bar for company, a husky for food and a tent in his pants Morningtime effectively vanished. During that time young rabbits were told of the macabre story of Morningtime and how he could one day come back if they were not good bunnies.

Presumably the bunnies were very very bad for after about a year Morningtime triumphantly returned to no fanfare whatsoever with his autobiography “Alizée, Jennifer Love Hewitt and I: The Untold Story”. A hard-hitting, some would say exceptionally pornographic account of the love affairs which would have shocked several nations had they in fact actually been true.

Finally coming to his senses several years ago Morningtime decided that a far better way to spend his time would be to champion Japanese idols through the internet. With this in mind Morningtime quickly set about whittling the list of his favourite Hello!Project idols down to just a manageable number consisting of Takahashi, Konkon, Yaguchi, Kaori, Kusumi, Reina, Sayumi, Nacchi, Rika, Yuko, Junjun, Yui, Miyoshi, Kanna, Nakajima, Maimi, Chisato, Shimizu, Momoko, Chinami and Maeda (Yuuka not Yuki or Irori). Oh and Mano Erina. Morningtime then set up what he called the Morningtime Project, a blog he hoped he could use to get the beauty and talent of these singers out to a wider audience. Although the only tactic he seems to have employed relies on inserting random pictures of people like Sir David Attenborough into his posts and then chuckling as about ten visits a day are chalked up to the search term “David Attenborough”. Well it’s better than getting hits from such search terms as “Pedobear Berryz” and the frankly even more disturbing “cosplay Matsuura Aya sexy Japanese babe”. I mean at least if the Berryz did a photoshoot with Pedobear that’d be quite funny but Aya cosplaying and trying to be sexy? That’s just sick.

What Morningtime gets from his blog is open to debate. Some people say he gets a regular supply of worn panties off Okada Yui but that may just be wishful thinking. Others say he gets a warm glow of satisfaction from posting pictures of Michishige Sayumi looking daft but sexy in bikinis but the warm glow might just be the something that comes before ‘satisfaction’. Most people however believe Morningtime’s blog is compensating in some way for the fact that he can never marry the girl of his dreams, Takahashi Ai, and so declaring his undying love for her through the blog in some way helps give him an outlet for his heartfelt emotions. Either way the mysterious Morningtime continues to post a mixture of beautiful or silly picspam and gently sarcastic but ultimately loving reviews. Whether anyone is really reading however remains the real mystery.

Some things that may be relevant to Morningtime’s interests…