Do you like Aya? Is your lack of an Aya photoholder album type thing getting you down? Are you willing to say something amusingly insulting about her in order to get your hands on such an item? Well if so then read on.
Sometimes you end up unintentionally owning some right bizarre stuff. For me the things I own through no fault of my own include…
I should add that the Maki badge is two-sided so that’s just one badge. Also the Nacchi fanclub cd is great but I actually have the 10 together in the limited edition case thing. I have no idea who the two figures together are. Basically I got all these items though a thread on Hello! Online (now defunct. The thread that is. Not Hello! Online). The thread was one where you’d pay a certain amount and get a fixed number of random H!P items. The thing is you could pay for 100 items and get 90 trading cards, a badge, and all sorts of other stuff. Or you could get an autograph, 50 pictures, a pb and, well, all sorts of other stuff. I got a Mano Erina limited edition fanclub meeting bag thing. At least I think that’s what it is. I also got some other neat stuff including a photobook from some old H!P concert and frankly I miss the thread a bit. Oh and I filled in some gaps in my trading card collection too. But all the items above I don’t need so one day when I can be bothered I’ll probably ebay them and see if I can get more than 20 pence profit. However that’s slightly immaterial. Looking at the thread title you should know by now what’s coming. Yes the worst merchandise I have is…
Yes it’s a photoholder album thingummy from Ayayayayayayayayaaaaa’s Otona no Namida concert tour spring 2006. I know that because it says so on the back. It’s just about big enough to fit the smaller pictures in it. To demonstrate here’s what it looks like with a Linlin pic in it…
I think it has about 14 or so pages so if you double-sided the pics back to back you could fit around 28 disturbing munchkin Aya pics in there.
So now onto the business at hand. You can’t buy this item in the shops (in any country outside of Asia, possibly outside of Japan. Maybe not even in Japan. I have no idea really) but you, yes you, or even you over there, could get your hands on this item of evil, disturbingly fake-winsome idol paraphernalia for free. Yes you heard me right, free. How? Well I’ve decided to have a little competition. Simply reply in this thread with an insulting comment about Aya and you will have a chance of winning this item. Now before anyone starts whining (really there’s too much heartfelt whining goes on in online fandoms…all online fandoms) this is meant to be funny. So I don’t want anything really nasty being said. No physical harm should be implied and no calling her sexuality into question. No racism, xenophobia (don’t they produce Girls Aloud’s songs?) or sexism either. Other than that away you go. I will leave this competition open for about a week. Let’s say until sometime of my choosing next Sunday (9th August). If there is more than one entry (and oh god I hope there is) I may have a public poll to decide the winner or I may go all fascistic. It’s my choice.
So the terms and conditions. I will pay the postage and packing to any destination in the world. Yes even Australia (just a joke you Aussies. I shouldn’t kick a great cricketing nation when it’s down. I’m sure you’ll rise from the Ashes once more. Ahem. What? It’s part of a great Aussie-Brit tradition of really taking the piss out of each other. Both sides would miss it if it disappeared. Unlike Neighbours and Home & Away). I can’t guarantee it’s safe delivery but I can guarantee it will be sent, providing this cold I have doesn’t turn out to be swine flu and providing there are no disasters in my life over the coming weeks. I reserve the right to extend the deadline, cancel the competition or delete this thread and pretend it never happened, at my discretion. The competition is only open to inhabitants of the planet Earth. Instead of paying for this item the winning bidder may like to make a donation to a charity of their choice. Perhaps the Buy Reina A Hot Dinner Organisation or the Help The Forgotten Heroes Society that helps Miyoshi and Yui and other now overlooked idols adapt to life away from the music industry. As for the entries, well you can make pictures, videos or sodding poetry as long as it’s funny. You can link to external sites if needs be. By external I mean Youtube or picture hosting sites. I do expect the entries to be new creations though. If you really can’t think of anything bad to say then I may turn a blind eye and allow entries that give other reasons why the entrant should win the competition. The winning entrant will hopefully have Twitter or Facebook or an account at H!O or Musume-Central so I can actually contact them but if not we’ll sort something out. Oh and the photo holder obviously doesn’t come with a pic of Linlin. Finally I am willing to accept sexual favours provided you are female and over the age of 18. Oh and fit.
P.S. If you know of anyone who likes Aya and may like to attempt getting their hands on this item please point them in the right direction. So point them to this blog or over a cliff. Either is fine.
P.P.S. That was a joke. I don’t really hate her or her fans that much. No. On the contrary just point them to this blog or slap them about a bit.
P.P.P.S. That was a joke too. That should be clear really. I don’t hate any H!P members or fans. Well except one or two fans. You know those ones who post comments on the H!O picboard just to have a go at someone? Like “ho ho ho aren’t the Ongaku Gatas Eggs ugly” types? I don’t like them. I mean I’d never post a bad word about Aya somewhere like that. Live and let live is my motto. Thsi is just a bit of fun. It’s like my thing. Everyone has a thing. Mine is dissing Aya. Well you gotta have a hobby.
Edit: Since I would like this item to go to a fan of hers I will also allow entries that attempt to make me see how I’m wrong to think she’s really not that good. Have I overlooked something? Just what am I missing out on? Feel free to tell me.