6 Reasons to be Miserable

As some of you may have figured out by now I am a sarky bastard. Yes I have a sweet side and perversely I expect nothing short of innocent, sweet perfection and optimism from my favourite idols but even so I’m a git. So just as Half Man Half Biscuit responded to Ian Dury’s Reasons to be Cheerful part 3 with their own Reasons to be Miserable part 10 I thought I’d respond to the Wotaku Now 6 Reasons to be cheerful post with my own 6 Reasons to be Miserable post. You see I can’t stand happy people. Look at them always smiling. Why? What’s so wonderful? Bobby McFerrin did that Don’t Worry, Be Happy song but what’s happened to him since? He’s probably on the streets begging for change. The video for the song had Robin Williams in it. A comedian who hasn’t done anything funny since Mork & Mindy. That’s tragic. And the other guy looked like Christopher Reeve but actually wasn’t him. But if it had have been him this point would have been even more salient. Well regardless (seriously I only just found out it wasn’t Christopher Reeve. It was some guy called Bill Irwin. Who knew?) here are my 6 H!P reasons to be miserable.

1. Morning Musume.

MM bye

Okay WTF? I hear you cry. But seriously. They haven’t done a decent single since they got all yes nude. Also Ai-chan is the star and she is 23. I want her to stay for about another lifetime but really facts need facing and they are that by idol standards she is getting on. I don’t care but others do. After she’s gone that just leaves Reina, Linlin and Niigaki as good singers. However Niigaki is never used and Linlin is boring and not particulary attractive. Koharu is leaving. Mitsui isn’t. Eri has all the personality of a wet fish. Sayumi has started to become a freak 20 year old child. Only Junjun is entertaining on tv. Things look bleak. I find nothing to smile about. Also the bright colours for their new tour make me vomit.

2. 70’s shit.

Can Tsunku please stop covering horribly dated old pop tunes? It’s embarrassing. Sure the skirts are great but the sound of their “uhuus” and the overly girly dance is cringe inducing. At a time when female idols are arguably less relevant than ever and young females want stronger role models wtf is he thinking? No wonder H!P concert tickets are only available to the over 45’s.

3. Mysterious Disappearances.

Yui where are yuiHiThe OG team

Okada Yui had a lot of front but now we’ve seen the back of her. Erika Miyoshi now dresses like…


But we don’t get to see it! Meanwhile in 2007 a crack idol unit was sent to the lower reaches of the Japanese charts showing a promise to which H!P did not commit. Promptly escaping a maximum security H!P prison they went on the run. Today they exist as singers of fortune. If you have a space on a panel show of some sort, or if you have a Youtube channel that needs fronting, and no one else can help, and if you can find them, then maybe you can hire some of the OG Team.

4. Berryz Koubou.

Alo berryz

20 singles (21 if you count the last one as a double A-side). Of those singles only Piriri to Yuko, Dschinghis Khan, Dakishimete Dakishimete and perhaps Madayade and Seishun Bus Guide were any good. Yet they are really popular. Why? Oh sure Momoko is really funny and Miyabi, Chinami and Yurina aren’t exactly bad looking. I’ll also admit I have a real fondness for Captain but even so musically they fail. Oh and Maasa just looks grumpy. Plus she was the first to run away during that guy hiding in the van moment in Hawaii. She should have taken a hit for the team if she wanted to live up to her reputation. Oh and Risako is nothing special. There I said it. Blasphemy huh?

5. C-ute’s Bye Bye Bye! pv still not subbed?


Come on it’s their best single after Forever Love. Also they look effing gorgeous. Yet not one subbing group seems to have subbed it yet. Where is the logic? Why do people still not see the absolute greatness of this group? I mean there have even been Aya Matsuura subs made since this pv came out. That’s just sick.

6. This blog.

I mean really. What’s the point of it? It’s just sarcastic nonsense. It’s badly thought out, makes obvious puns and absolutely refuses to move to other sites every five minutes unlike most other blogs. Plus it moans all the time. How depressing…


27 responses to “6 Reasons to be Miserable

  1. 5. HMT did, French though, I would if I can do effects, but mumbleclose-upssuckmumbledanceshorockedmumble.

    4. Hehe 🙂 another good reason why I’m on WordPress, and not on Blogger.

  2. Ah well the French clearly have good taste. Don’t they also have some one hour tv show dedicated to H!P? Well at least they did at one stage. I can’t even begin to imagine such pleasure.

  3. 1. I could list all the ways that you’re wrong about the lack of good singles since EYN, but it would basically just be a list of subsequent singles and a crude drawing of an “open-mouthed in shock” Pex. I personally find the current lineup to be my favorite. They were the lineup when I became a fan, so they are “current” and “relevant to my interests” in a way that the older generations never will be. Yes, experimentation in lineup and in singles styles is good, but I like the relatively stable formation they’re in now. I wouldn’t object to further graduations (although I would miss whoever left), but I’m in no hurry to speed the others along and out of the group either.

    2. I don’t mind the “70s shit”, as you call it. Pepper Keibu was awesome, as was Dschinghis Khan. I even like this song. I can’t say to them or Tsunku “get new stuff” when, in mos…make that all the cases so far, I’ve never even heard the originals or I hadn’t until after I encountered the H!P versions. I can see why those who have might object, though. An occasional “retro” feeling song isn’t necessarily a bad thing though.

    3. Okay, this one I’m kinda with you. I don’t think Yui and the others should be shuffled away when they have a lot to offer (and not just Yui!Boobies, that girl is a good actress!).

    4. I haven’t heard most of the Berryz songs apart from the ones you mention, so I kind of agree there. Miyabi is hot. Risako’s smile could brighten the darkest corners of hell, so you’re just mistaken there.

    5. Hmm, I love C-ute better than Berryz, but I haven’t really followed them after Forever Love. I do think every PV should be subbed, however, so I’m with you there.

    6. Maybe, but it smells purty…

  4. MM needs more characters and more beauty. Although I wasn’t a fan of MM during their time I do miss the likes of Nacchi, Kaori, Yaguchi, Rika and even Yuko who was both funny and sexy. The current line-up seems less filling. Even more so when they lose Koha.

    A retro feeling is bad in the case of the C-ute song where it just seems horribly dated. It’d be like making a sitcom and coming up with On The Buses. It makes me shudder and at the same time I wonder what the average young Japanese female thinks of such a song. It’s the kind of song I’d be embarrassed to be caught listening to (which isn’t very likely as I don’t listen to it at all anyway).

    Bye Bye Bye is almost as good as Forever Love. Their last 2 singles haven’t been anywhere near their best though. But Bye Bye Bye is great.

  5. I honestly think the current lineup could have and even still would develop those characters if given the chance, but without a regular outlet to showcase each girl’s personality quirks and characters, it’s really no wonder they seem somewhat bland. Like you, a lot of my early exposure to the girls was through Surprise English Lessons and Hello Morning clips. It’s a damn shame the current lineup doesn’t have a similar outlet.

    If it’s as good as Forever Love, I’ll definitely have to give it a listen. My all-time favorite C-ute song though is Edo no Temari Uta II. 🙂

  6. I don’t know though. Much as I find her attractive looking Sayumi hasn’t really grown as a person/character and neither has Eri yet they both had several years of regular tv appearances. It’s only really the 8th gen who are missing out. Even with them Junjun rules everytime she gets a sniff of a tv spot.

    Edo no Temari Uta II is good although it always seems too short. It’s the kind of song you end up listening to again. Bye Bye Bye is a sort of disco sci-fi song in a modern style. It’s good in all the ways Shochu is bad.

  7. *high five!!!*
    Risako is BORING! she has like hardly any personality! same as Miyabi.

    it’s sad but everything you posted is true. momusu are slipping, actually, H!P as a whole are slipping.
    it’s a sad thing to see……

    but i don’t believe you’re blog is a reason to be miserable about. i still <

  8. It is sad. Yet the chart positions aren’t being affected. C-ute’s last single was disappointing yet got to number 2. Odd!

    Finally got the internet sorted then Hexi?

  9. Hey there all, been through depression phase since reading that Koha’s graduating. Practically, MM is just not the same for me anymore. Really hope I could find some other member to feel connected to but I just can’t.

    I dunno if Ai-chan can be dropped. She’s the powerful force in MM. Without her, I dunno who has the same charisma to take over. Gaki-san and Eri just haven’t been serious enough to lead this group.

    Reina is as usual, too individualistic. I dunno. It’s getting bleak….

  10. I adore Ai-chan more than I’d be willing to admit (due to extreme embarrassment at how much it’s possible to adore someone you’ve never met and who may not be a bit like the public persona that’s exhibited) but I do think Gaki-san would make a good leader. She arguably has the better personality for leadership duties. However the thought of Eri or Sayu ever leading MM fills me with dread. It’s almost like the leader fulfills a figurehead role. I’d be happy to show MM to people who have never heard of them and say that’s Ai-chan, their leader. For she is beautiful and talented. With previous leaders Miki was beautiful and talented (even though I didn’t particularly like her personality that much she was strong and a good singer), Yossie was tomboyish and cool and a good enough singer, Yaguchi was just a wonderful marvel, Kaori was beautiful and cultured and a good singer and Yuko was a force to be reckoned with. Sexy, funny and strong. Now skip (or ship) to the future and imagine Eri or Sayu as leader. It’s strange considering they are the same age as Gaki-san but I see them as still being kids while Gaki-san seems so much more mature. Now Junjun would be great fun as leader but I don’t think she’ll get the chance. Reina could be okay at some stage in the future although I’d worry if she has the compassion to do a good job. Even Yuko was tough through love, not through being uncaring. In fact I think in H!P right now the best leader after Gaki-san would be Maimi. Yes it’s time for Morning C-ute Musume. 😀 Okay not really. I’d miss C-ute too much to assimilate them. Even so I feel less interested in MM these days. Musically they aren’t as good ane there are less interesting personalities than in the past.

  11. But what made me, in a way, focus less on their current, is because of this fact: “They’re still here”.
    I listen to their previous singles with some thoughts on he back o’ my head like “can’t be doing this anymore better than this, they ain’t there any longer”, or something similar.

    (on point 1, *nods “silently”…*)

    I do now really think that Ai’s goal (if not dream) is to be in MM for the longest time that she can, I’ll not be saying anything untoward about it…

    Now who’s that Reina hater, come here you… =)

  12. And I forgot to say that for me not being a Japanese, it is natural for cover songs to not appeal to me. So my point to the 70’s shit is “Only the Japanese knows” to appreciate that. Heck, they’re performing (and being promoted) only (or mainly) in Japan anyway.

  13. I think cover songs that are good do appeal though. W’s version of Matsu Wa (also Nakazawa Yuko & Ichii Sayaka’s version) is good because it’s a good song in the first place.

    I’m sure in the UK there are lots of 70’s songs that British groups could cover that would be good. I just can’t believe that some of the Japanese songs that are covered can possibly be seen as good. But you are right that’s for the Japanese themselves to decide. I just reckon that young Japanese people would prefer something spunkier.

  14. Speaking of W covers, I quite like the two Peanuts covers they did, particularly Koi no Fuga. Although I do like Tsuji and Kago, I like their version better not because they are H!P, I like it better because it seems to have more power and feeling behind it.

  15. Morningtime: yep! finally! took like 2 weeks but yes. stupid virgin! XD loving the uni liestyle. need i say more? haha!
    i know you were just complaining about momusu songs but i really really like kimagure princess. not as serious as the last 2 or 3 singles. it;s more like koi no dance site in style. ^^

  16. Actually I quite like Kimagure Princess too. It reminds me of Balalaika. I was actually disappointed that the pv displayed a total lack of dancing bears and clowns.

  17. how about the girls in bear costumes, doing a Cossack dance :D… 😀 BWAHAHAH a good nightmare there 😀

  18. Totally agree on the whole Morning Musume lacking in the singles department, and I have to agree that Kimagure Princess does sound similar to Balalaika, lol just a shame that it happens to be one of the few H!P songs that I can’t stand XD

  19. How can you not like Balalaika? Okay sure the pv was scary. Bears and clowns and Russian symbolism all come together to make a pv that seems like some kind of League of Gentlemenesque horror film. But the music is so damn catchy. It’s great. Saying Balalaika isn’t good is just one small step from wandering the streets talking to invisible friends and picking fights with tramps. It’s right on the edge of reasonable behaviour. Your friends are all very worried about you. I implore you to seek professional help immediately. Pull yourself together man. You need drugs urgently.

  20. The PV was pure cack, in the respect of the clowns and bears and stuff I liked it, it’s something different but anything that can make someone like Koha look drab and dull is doing things really wrong. Balalaika just eats at me.

    Drugs would be good, was that an offer?

  21. The pv is a classic in a totally warped way. The music is great.

    The problem with drugs is dealing with the consequences. And it’s not just the pushers and the addicts who are affected. I’d never even touched drugs and I had to listen to the Grange Hill kids singing about it. Truly the cost of human suffering was too great.

  22. Balalaika is Koha’s worst song, agreed. sorry Morningtime. XD
    next to Happy! it was her most annoying song i think. ><
    it was catchy for the first 10 watches of morning curry but after than it gets tedious. although that might be my fault for over-watching that concert….. XD

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