Happy Halloween – Cute Halloween Pics

Good evening and welcome to BBC1. The time is just coming up to 8:15 on 30th October. Now it’s time for cute Halloween pictures, presented by H!P. While looking at the pictures perhaps you’d like to listen to the BBC Concert Orchestra…

We interrupt this broadcast to take you over to our news room…

Hello I’m George Alagiah. Reports are coming in of an unidentified object causing terror in Tokyo. We take you straight to Roland Buerk, the BBC’s Foreign Correspondent for Japan…

Hello. People are coming out onto the streets from bars and cafes to see what is happening. An unidentified object has appeared during a concert by popular Japanese pop group Morning Musume. Giant screens across Tokyo, usually reserved for advertisements, are showing the scene of confusion within the Tokyo Kousei Nenkin Kaikan concert venue. Now wait a minute! I see something on top of the stage. No, it’s nothing but a shadow. Now the troops are on the edge of the stage. Seven thousand armed men closing in on an ugly…something. Wait, that wasn’t a shadow! It’s something moving…so ugly…kind of like the face-huggers from the Alien films…it’s going higher and higher. Why, it’s standing on legs…actually rearing up and giving a grotesque smile. The searchlights are on it. Hold on!

Well we seem to have lost pictures and sound from Tokyo so we’ll return you to the scheduled programme until a connection has been resumed…

We interrupt this broadcast to take you back to Roland Buerk in Tokyo.

Good heavens, something’s wriggling out of the shadow like a snake. Now it’s another one, and another. They look like half made dreadlocks to me. There, I can see the thing’s body. It’s small but frightening and it glistens like wet leather. But that face, it…ladies and gentlemen, it’s indescribable. I can hardly force myself to keep looking at it…

Once again we seem to have lost contact with Roland Buerk so we will return you to the scheduled programme of cute idols dressed for Halloween…

Contact has been restored with Tokyo so we will once again take you to the terrifying scenes inside the Tokyo Kousei Nenkin Kaikan concert venue.

Roland Buerk here. The eyes are black and gleam like a serpent. The head cowled. The mouth is slack jawed with saliva dripping from its rimless lips that seem to quiver and pulsate. The monster or whatever it is can hardly move. Or sing. It seems weighed down by…possibly gravity or lack of talent or maybe even a realisation of it’s own lack of worthiness or something. The thing’s raising up. The crowd falls back now. They’ve seen plenty. This is the most extraordinary experience. I can’t find words…I’ll pull this microphone with me as I talk. I’ll have to stop the description until I can take a new position. Hold on, will you please, I’ll be right back in a minute…

We return you to cute idols until contact can be re-established…

We now return you to the scenes of terror in Tokyo.

Streets are all jammed here. Wait a minute…enemy now sighted near the Tokyo Imperial Palace. There’s still no word on the numbers of dead inside the concert venue but it’s thought only a few troops managed to flee. Oh God military planes are coming down, seemingly blinded and then the machinery jammed by a thick black smoke coming from the mouth of the beast. Wait. A second beast has been spotted. Oh…

This is the end now. Smoke comes out…black smoke, drifting over the city. People in the streets see it now. They’re running away…thousands of them, dropping like rats. Now the smoke’s spreading faster. People trying to run away from it, but it’s no use. They’re falling like flies. Now the smoke’s crossing towards me…one hundred yards away…it’s fifty feet…

Hello? Hello Roland? Well we seem to have lost contact with Tokyo. Wait…we’ve just lost the rest of Japan. Now other cities throughout Asia are disappearing from our satellite links. Singapore’s gone. Beijing too. Now whole countries. China, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam. Reports are coming in of further unidentified objects in other parts of the world. Wait…now we’re losing American cities. Los Angeles, New York…whole states are going down. Wyoming, Colorado, Utah, Texas, California, Washington. Now European countries seem to be affected. Russia has gone. Poland too. Wait…Austria, Germany and Belgium have now gone. Also Switzerland so it’s not all bad news then. Spain has gone. France has gone. My God. People of Britain prepare yourselves. Arm yourselves. look to th…

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This is Morningtime Welles, ladies and gentlemen, out of character to assure you that The War of Mitsui has no further significance than as the holiday offering it was intended to be. The Morningtime Theatre’s own internet version of dressing up in a sheet and jumping out of a bush and saying Boo! Starting now, we couldn’t soap all your windows and steal all your garden gates by tomorrow night…so we did the next best thing. We annihilated the idol world before your very eyes and utterly destroyed the U.F.A. You will be relieved, I hope, to learn that we didn’t mean it, and that both institutions are still open for business. So goodbye everybody, and remember the terrible lesson you learned tonight. That grinning, glowing, globular invader of your living room is an inhabitant of the pumpkin patch Mitsui Aika, and if your doorbell rings and nobody’s there, that was no Idol…it’s Aikawe’en.

Scary stuff huh? Well finally here’s Morning Musume doing a spooky production of Michael Jackson’s Thriller amongst other things. Actually I’m not much of a Jacko fan but I’d love to see the girls doing the dance for the whole song…