No it’s not a crazy new H!P dance that all the cool cats are doing this Christmas daddio. It’s actually a reply to a post Hexi made on her blog, Radio Hexi. Now Hexi seems like a very likeable person. She loves H!P for starters and she also did a really great Kusumi Koharu transforming Chance dress for a cosplay thing a while ago (and frankly they should have been in the shops this Christmas. I’d have bought one. Err…not to wear you understand, just to show support for everyones favourite crack idol). However Hexi is also clearly quite quite mad. She’s completely bonkers ftang ftang ole biscuit barrel. For she has ranked her favourite members of H!P and not only put Ai-chan, A.K.A. Her Loveliness, A.K.A. Her Royal Ainess, A.K.A. the future Mrs Morningtime at number 8 in Morning Musume but she also put Mitsui somewhere above some of the others. Well obviously that’s what Hexi feels. But for the purposes of yin and yang, light and dark, day and night and complete doolally insanity and my obviously completely correct and totally sane opinion I have had to rank all the H!Psters myself now. It’ll come as no surprise that Ai is my number 1 Momusu member. Likewise it’ll come as no surprise that Mano Erina is my favourite solo artist. But just how many of you were expecting Mitsui Aika to be my second favourite Momusu member? If you have just replied with ‘me” then stop reading now. You’ll only be disappointed.
1. Takahashi Ai.
No contest. Best singer, best dancer, loveliest personality and pretty too. In fact as I was driving in to work today Ai-chan’s Yuki / Ai × Anata ≧ Suki came on my cassette player (yes I am very modern). This song roughly translate as ‘eh like love I love snow like and I like you too like’. Or to translate it less roughly ‘You Love Snow ≧ Love’. Since at twenty to seven this morning town was full of snow it seemed quite fitting. It’s my favourite album track of Morning Musume’s and frankly snow plus that song plus Takahashi’s voice = my heart melting. It may have been bloody freezing outside the car but in the car it was pure hot steamy melting love. I think you know what I’m saying baby.
2. Tanaka Reina.
You can’t beat a bit of wonky. That great fashion sense, those feline features (which reminds me that this week’s Pocket Morning question asks the members what they would do if they woke up one day to find they had turned into cats. Ignoring the obvious smutty joke I’d say for Reina it’d be pretty much business as usual). She’s still the Yankii Princess as far as I’m concerned.
The phrase “bloody hell she’s cute” is made for Junjun. As is the phrase “bloody hell she’s funny”. Not to mention the phrase “please stop hitting me now, I’m sorry”. Junjun is pure spirited cuteness, competitiveness and caring all in the gorgeous body of a very pretty bonkers 21 year old Chinese woman. Result!
4. Niigaki Risa.
Always a good personality to see in the mix. She has a great voice but isn’t used enough. I cant help feeling though that her and Ai will be to the post-Musume career of the fifth gen what Yossie and Rika are to the post-Musume career of the fourth gen. Such a great pairing. Like salt and pepper, Tate & Lyle, Morecambe & Wise or Nick Griffin and a bloody big pickaxe through his skull. Yes it’s a dream partnership.
I once had a really erotic dream about Linlin. Which is odd as she’s not normally in my thoughts. Still she does have a really likeable personality and can look quite cute sometimes so maybe it shouldn’t have been such a surprise. Oh and she can sing too. Which is nice.
6. Kamei Eri.
I have one Eri photobook and it’s great. Yet her personality has never totally grabbed me. It gets worse each year as she doesn’t seem to change and she’s getting a bit old for the spoiled little girl routine.
7. Michishige Sayumi.
First the positives. She does absolutely brilliant photobooks. She can look just absolutely scrummy. We’re talking all night hot action every night for weeks. But then there’s the negatives. You’d have to gag her to stop her talking about herself. You’d have to gag her to stop her singing. Oh and you’d have to gag her to stop her making bitchy comments about people. Such a shame. She looks good but it’s not the kind of idol personality I go for. She’s going to end up a total ‘What Ever Happened to Baby Jane’ case. She’s also totally vacuous when she’s not bitching or talking about herself. There’s a bigger vacuum in her head than in the whole of space. In fact Professor Stephen Hawking has recently put forward the theory that her head could hold an entire Universe in it. Still, she is pretty. It’s just she’s also embarrassing sometimes. A geat shame because did I mention that she’s hot?
8. Mitsui Aika.
Her Yorosen week was fun. She was actually pretty likeable in it. However too often she seems to come over all spoiled, whiny and petulant. It’s a shame as she could be okay otherwise. Oh and Professor Richard Dawkins has put forward the theory that her forehead could hold the entire universe of Michishige’s head in just one little black hole that makes up a tiny part of Mitsui’s own universe. It’s all a bit technical for me but I like to pretend I read this stuff to try and look intellectual. Although to be honest these scientists could write a book explaining how bacon is actually gold chocolate fish and nobody would disagree. I mean everyone would just think ‘well they’re so intelligent so they must know what they’re talking about’.
Umm…back on topic…
1. Nakajima Saki.
She’s always been just so cute and snuggable and sweet and adorable and she always looks on the verge of crying which makes her even more cute and her eyes are beautiful and her huge smile is just so damn loveable and KAWAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.
2. Yajima Maimi.
In mid 1991 Japanese scientists from what would become H!P, led by insane genius Tsunku, started experiments designed to create the perfect idol. Eventually, after 9 months of trying, in early 1992 they succeeded. They called her Maimi. She is perfect in every way. In fact she is actually too perfect and therefore lacks some of the flaws necessary to make a wota go ‘squee‘ and turn into jelly on the spot. Even so she’s bloody wonderful.
3. Okai Chisato.
It’s nearly Hogmanay so what better time to celebrate Okai the new? 😀 Stop that! Stop throwing rotten vegetables at me. At least make them ripe ones. Anyway so what if I’m easily impressed? So what if one photobook appearance can make me go weak-kneed? I’m a guy after all and more than that I’m a wota. It’s to be expected!
4. Suzuki Airi.
She’s really cute in Buono pv’s (and why do Buono pv’s give their members the chance to shine so much when other groups pv’s don’t?) and she’s got one heck of a voice. She’s also cute. But C-ute is my favourite group and competition is tough. C-ute have pretty much become my favourote current H!P group. Okay Morning Musume have the history but based on the past couple of years C-ute have the best current form. Although at Least Morning Musume have the Queen, Takahashi Ai. But yeah Airi is entertaining and I’m looking forward to seeing a lot more of her over the coming years. Although preferably not at the expense of all the other C-ute members.
5. Hagiwara Mai.
I’ve never shown too much interest in Maimai. She is cute enough I guess but like I said before the competition is tough. Still she’s growing up so there plenty of time still to come for her to grab my attention. Unless she hurts her foot or goes into modelling that is.
1. Momoko Tsugunaga.
Not even the fact that she killed an octopus and then couldn’t even cook it right can put me off her. She may be as crazy as bat shit but on the plus side she’s in Berryz Koubou, a group who’d be boring if it wasn’t for the fact one of their members is as crazy as bat shit. So she rules.
2. Shimizu Saki.
There’s something about Captain Shimmy that makes me really like her. Perhaps it’s the fact that she doesn’t look like she should be an idol. Perhaps it’s that she’s really small. I don’t know. All I know is she’s damn cute.
3. Kumai Yurina.
I know virtually nothing about Yurina except that she’s very tall (by Japanese standards) and very pretty (by any standards). But that’s enough. Yes that’s enough. Oh and frankly that BaseBall Bear advert she did was strangely erotic.
4. Natsuyaki Miyabi.
The best thing about Berryz excellent pv to their equally excellent single Dakishimete Dakishimete is Miyabi’s legs. Fact. Also she’s a Buono girl so much respect is due there too. She’s attractive and interesting looking. But Berryz normally don’t interest me too much so I’m still none the wiser as to who she actually is.
5. Tokunaga Chinami.
Again she’s pretty but I know nothing about her. Still she is good to look at. 😀
6. Sugaya Risako.
I liked her singing on not-proper-v-u-den’s Only You. I don’t totally get all the lust for her though.
7. Sudou Maasa.
I liked her. Then I watched the Berryz Alo-Hello dvd and I liked her a little less. I still don’t know why. Or maybe I just started liking some of the others more? Still I don’t dislike her so that’s okay.
Honourable mentions to Mano Erina and Maeda Yuuka.
Mano is talented, has some great songs and is really likeable too. Whereas Yuuka is talented, has some good songs with S/mileage and is really lickable. What? Well she is. She’s so cute. If only IceCream Musume were so attractive there’d be loads of lickable jokes there. But no. Anyway S/mileage are going to be great and Yuuka will keep people smiling for a long time to come.
Okay that was a bit mammoth. Well it’s nearly 5 pm and I still haven’t wrapped ny Christmas presents. I wonder if I have any paper? Merry Christmas everybody!