Ba ba ba ba da da da da da da da da da.
Err…yes…so anyway I was looking at some pics of H!P members recently in their army live costumes. Pics like…
After looking at these pictures a thought suddenly occurred to me. Aren’t they a bit like Thunderbirds outfits? F.A.B. Genius! Surely the time is right for a live-action Japanese remake of some of Gerry Anderson’s popular British puppet shows? I mean Hagiwara Mai’s bobble-head is a perfect replica of the bobbly heads of the puppets anyway. 😛 Yes I think the time is right for H!P to move into exciting tv sci-fi dramas. All of course filmed in SuperMaimination! Geairi Ayakaderson’s idol programmes will sweep the world!
So what do we have? Well obviously ThunderBerryz is going to be a definite. I’d have preferred to use C-ute like in the pics above but to be fair the name takes care of itself. Headed by former idol Ishimura Maiha the seven Berryz will live on a secluded island off Japan except for Momoko who being totally fucking mental will be manning the space station. Well she’s a bit of a space cadet anyway. Konno Asami can play Brains as due to the name of the character there’s nobody suitable in the current H!P line-up to take that part. >.> Lady Penelope can be renamed Lady Kaori and joining Iida as her tough, unscrupulous and canny butler
Parker Reina will be Tanaka Reina. Obviously the programme needs a chief villain and so replacing the character of The Hood will be Mitsui Aika as The Woof. Each week The Woof will cause a major international situation. For instance she can cause a massive tsunami by singing loudly on a beach (the sheer number of people running away will cause a seres of huge waves quite easily). Or she could bring countries to the brink of war by sniffing a member of a Royal Family’s Corgi’s bum or by leaving a big turd in a President’s breakfast bowl. Can the ThunderBerryz clean that bowl before the President sits down for breakfast? Perhaps she’ll savage a scientist just as he was about to release the results of a successful test to cure Aids. Can ThunderBerryz get to the scientist in time to stitch him up and give him a tetnus shot? Or will they be too late and he’ll have rabies and be foaming at the mouth and saying that Mitsui is cute?
Undoubtedly the best programme will be Captain Scarlet. Making use of Takahashi Ai’s new Momusu colour the indestructible super-idol will save the day each week from the deadly Matsuuraions. Spectrum the international security organisation will be renamed Apple for the new series due to both being current or former brandnames involved in computer technology and because H!P artists seem keen to advertise Apple even though the company won’t allow any of their books on it’s annoying fucking iTunes site. Freedom of choice has never been Apple’s way has it? Joining Captain Scarlet will be Lieutenant Green (Niigaki), Captain Blue (Reina), the evil villain Captain Black (Kamei Eri blacked up like a black and white minstrel), Captain Gray Hair (Nakazawa Yuko) plus the heroic Angel fighter pilots Symphony Angel (Suzuki Airi), Rhapsody Angel (Sayashi Riho), Lack of Melody Angel (Michishige Sayumi), Destiny Angel (Nakajima Saki) and Harmony Hairspray…I mean Angel (Linlin).
Fireball XL5 will be loosely re-imagined and renamed Fireball C-uties 5 and will star Yajima Maimi as Captain Mmm…Maimi, Nakajima Saki as Miss Morningtime, Okai Chisato as Doctor Penis, Suzuki Airi as Airi Mmm…Maimi (Captain Mmm…Maimi’s lesbian lover and civil partner) and Hagiwara Mai as the space pet Maimai. This show will only be shown on pay-per-view adult channels. Each episode will be personally directed by Morningtime (well it’s my idea. I should get to have some fun. >.>) and every week will find the crew of the spaceship C-uties 5 in an exotic new location that’s normally on a really hot planet where they have to strip off all their clothes and start licking the sweat from their glistening bodies in order to quench their thirst…except Maimai. She’ll be in quarantine for six months as taking pets onto other planets is a health risk.
Mano Erina will star in ManJo 90 as a young idol with secret powers. When she sticks her tongue out she suddenly gets the power to dazzle all villains with her sexuality rendering them incapable of moving until they’ve cleaned up the mess in their trousers. Yes this may also be an adults-only affair I think.
Rounding out the tv shows will be S/mileray, a programme focusing on 3 cute idols (and Fukuda Kanon) in a submarine as they do battle each week with the evil AKBquaphibians. S/mileray’s captain Toy Tempting (played by Yuuka Maeda) falls in love with the mute-singing Marinashige Sighyumyum in episode 1 and Marinashige (who for reasons unknown always sings miming to a backing tape) joins the crew of the S/mileray along with her pet dog Woof (Mitsui Aika). They have exciting adventures each week and generally there’s some singing and then Marinashige does a sexy strip and if you want to see what happens next you have to join Morningtime XXX and pay for a night’s uninterrupted viewing. Kerching! I’ll be rich. 😀
Hmm…I think I moved away from idol remakes of puppet programmes to idol programmes that will probably use other types of ‘toys’. Well…that sounds F.A.B.! 😉