Tanaka Reina to Graduate – World Plunged into Crisis

Political leaders around the world have reacted with shock today as it was announced that sixth gen Morning Musume member Tanaka Reina will graduate at the end of Momusu’s spring tour. American President President Obama the American President of America who also runs the US broke off diplomatic talks with the Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu to deal with the crisis. Citizens of all countries are being urged to stay indoors due to the risk of being hit by falling wotas as literally hundreds of thousands throw themselves out of windows. Meanwhile in major cities around the world protestors have taken to the streets to urge Tsunku to reconsider the graduation. In Paris troops fired tear gas to disperse the crowds while in Moscow tanks were deployed. In London police officers asked if protestors would mind awfully making a little less noise.

A protestor in LA escapes with some unsold Kikkawa You cd’s after raiding a shop.

Police in Greece get firebombed by angry wota.

Mickey Police deployed at Disneyland Californ eye a.

Riot police in Moscow tackle this Reina fan protestor who was spotted running through the Red Square in a Reina scarf.

A British Bobby in London directs protestors towards the Japanese Embassy.

In further developments the FBI confirmed that Tsunku is now top of their most wanted list and the KGB announced that all Japanese people entering the country will be subject to arrest and a prison sentence without trial. Meanwhile in London MI5 announced a bring and buy sale this Saturday at their top secret offices at Thames House. Although I’m not sure that’s really relevant. The British Prime Minister Sir David Lurpak Advert Trumpeter has also announced that taxes will have to go up by another 5 pence in the pound for all but the very richest in society in order to fund the NHS as the amount of people being admitted to hospitals around the UK has more than trebled since the news of the graduation was announced.

A curfew is in place in the following continents:

Europe, North America, South America, Australia, Asia and Africa.

Residents in Antarctica are also being advised to stay indoors as it’s bloody freezing outside.

Tsunku is reported to be in hiding until Riho can gain just a few more fans and deflect attention from the graduation.

All wars around the world have been temporarily stopped as troops are needed back in their own countries to help police. All deaths from natural causes have been temporarily suspended as people are too shocked at the graduation news to die naturally. All hunger and suffering, all disease and famine all cruelty and violence around thr world has stopped as the entire planet waits with baited breath to see what happens next. The question on everyone’s lips is “does this graduation mean Fukuchan will become sub-leader?”

FBI’s most wanted man Tsunku in hiding today.

Tanaka Reina. Bikini.

If there are any more developments please rest assured I will not be covering them. I will be hiding in a bunker with several bottles Of Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey, all my Nacky goods and my rabbit Konkon.


16 responses to “Tanaka Reina to Graduate – World Plunged into Crisis

    • Some people do say the world will end in December 2012. For did not the prophet Nacchidamnus say “and lo the wonky-eyed one will, with her bad attitude, depart the land of angels and then the Earth will tremor and shake and destruction will rain down. And oh the wailing from nations will deafening and the waste of money on Christmas presents that will never be given will be frustrating”.

  1. But sincerely, who cares about the World when poor Shige-san will be left alone in charge of a bunch of crazy teenage girls, with nobody to talk to except creepy wotas like Fukumura or Iikubo ? That is scary, that is dangerous… Poor Sayu, alone again.

    • Sayu is a consummate professional though. Somehow, and I for one don’t understand how at all, but somehow she’ll manage to put a brave face on and make it look as though she’s really really enjoying herself.

    • I think a lot of people were, like you, expecting it. She has been there a long time and with the band activity coming up it always seemed likely that she’d graduate.

  2. Holy crap, this is a global crisis! Oh well, I guess this is kind of how H!P works – Tsunku seems to prefer little girls and kicks them out when they become adults.

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